"Adulthood is like looking both ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by an airplane." (anonymous)
Your life has always been subject to a certain path: be a baby, learn to walk, learn to talk, get potty trained, go to primary school, learn to count, go to high school, frustrate your parents to no end and finally it is off to university/college with the sweet smell of freedom. There may have been some flexibility, divergences or side paths, but I think it is safe to say that the above is the general path for most of us. At each stage of our lives, we knew exactly what would be the next. We knew what we were working towards. After approximately 16 years of study, you go from an excited gap-toothed, pigtailed school girl whose school clothes are way too big for her to a student who is used to waking up at 09:30, has proudly watched most series on Netflix, is a pro at beer pong, knows where to buy the cheapest cheese and has a degree/diploma of some sort. You have a lot of knowledge in that noggin, some useful, some less so. To this day I know that mitochondria are the powerhouse of a cell, and yet never has this information been of any use to me and yet I have zero knowledge regarding taxes. After writing thousands upon thousands of tests, many late nights (studying or partying), giving up numerous weekends to do assignments and having had more mental breakdowns than you care to admit, you are the proud owner of a little piece of paper that says you are now supposedly ready for the working life.
Everyone kept telling me, before heading to university, that your varsity years would be the best of my life. And not to sound pessimistic, but I think they may have been right. Or in the very least, they may have been the most carefree years of my life. It was the time of my life where I did not have a lot of money, but I always had a safety net whether it was my parents or my residence. You could dance all night, wake up at 11:00 and decide whether it was worthwhile to go to class or not (side note: go to the class! Unless the lecturer is of no use). It was the time in my life, where I started figuring out who I am and what I stand for. It was the time where I got into contact with people who didn't think like me or didn't have the same upbringing as me and it changed me for the better- my mind was opened to greater possibilities and viewpoints. It's here where logic (or the lack thereof), such as getting rid of a hangover by drinking more alcohol can flourish. It's here that I figured out who my friends were that would stick with me no matter what and it was here where I met Mike. Yes, I had to write a dissertation and what felt like millions of seemingly impossible tests and exams. With university politics, it often felt like I was fighting a losing battle when all I wanted to do was get my degree (cough, cough, labour law). I had my fair share of trials and late nights. By no means is getting a degree or diploma easy, but you are still in some way in a safe zone. You know that you are in a safe space to make mistakes and not take life too seriously.
Then suddenly, congratulations you're an adult! May the odds forever be in your favour! You step into the "big people" world and it is hard and confusing and you don't feel prepared. Despite having been taught numerous life skills by my parents throughout my life, suddenly here I am actually doing it. I still have a basic plan ahead of me: be a candidate attorney for two years, pass my board exams, finish PLT classes, get admitted as an attorney and then... nothing. There is absolutely no plan further. I can then do anything: if I am given the opportunity I can be an attorney with my current employer; or I can move to a different employer, I can do my pupillage and become an advocate; I can go into criminal law and become a prosecutor; I can do my Masters and then even my Doctorate and become a lecturer at the university. As the poets say: the world is my oyster. And if you're someone like me, who likes having plans and steps and knowing what's next, that is scary, exhilarating, but definitely scary. If I had to answer someone and say what my five-year plan is, I would have no answer, because I have no idea what the next five years hold for me. At best I have a two-year plan (survive being a CA, pass my boards, get through PLTs), but that's about it. There is no next step and no certain path. It all depends on the choices you make and the opportunities you are given. Even though I believe that God has a plan for all of us, He has a tendency to keep such things to Himself.
Not only is adulthood drenched with uncertainty; but you're broke. Or as the optimists like to call it: pre-rich. Well, we're more like pre, pre-rich. Even though I am very blessed to now have money of my own, it also means I have a lot more responsibilities. Each debit order that goes off my account is like a punch to my gut. For the first time, you feel the nagging itch of financial stress, which can keep you up at night. At some point or other, you will have the experience of handing the cashier your card, putting in the pin, holding your breath and crossing your fingers that you have enough money in your account, waiting for the ping declaring that you are now even poorer. You give a nervous little laugh whilst trying to act as if you had the whole situation in control. You get faced with so many financial problems and questions: how much should you be saving? Should you be putting money away for pension already? How much should you be spending on a car? How much money is just too much to spend on books? Is there even such a thing? Is that really what I am paying in tax? Why is cheese so damn expensive? Unless you were a highly diligent student (which I doubt) you come to face with budgeting. You may think that you will have more money to spend on outings with friends, but soon you will realise why you're mom always said: "no, we're not getting take-aways or going out because there's food at home." There is a time and place for everything and oddly enough being pre-pre rich can actually be a lot of fun, especially as a couple. You're forced to think about solutions in a fun new way. You end up laughing together as you realise the bizarre steps you have naturally come to take just to save a few extra rands. It forces you to trust each other and face new problems in a completely different way. It's basically a right of passage. Stop and enjoy it for a bit, especially when you don't have kids yet and life still isn't too serious.
Not only do you probably not have money to go out, but you're probably too tired to go out. Getting work fit is a real issue and for some, it can be a long process. After being a student and having three months' holiday, you are definitely not going to spring out of bed every morning at 05:00 and come smiling back into your home at 19:00. You will feel tired and cranky and wonder how you are supposed to do this, especially when the reality of 21 days' leave really starts hitting you. You are in a completely new environment doing things way out of your league. You are constantly in a stressful situation, wondering how your degree/diploma was ever supposed to prepare you for this. You learn new things by the hour and it's a lot for your brain to take in. After my first two weeks of work, I felt completely shell shocked due to information overload. It was like my brain needed a reboot. You are wearing different clothes, around different people in a completely different atmosphere. You had heard of the term "professional", but now is the time to actually figure out what that means and how you should adapt to meet such a standard. You will be probably be petrified every single day, until one day you realise, you're just not anymore.
There are so many things that you are going to face that will be new: taxes; how to pay your electricity account; buying cleaning supplies; renewing your car license; how to garden; who to call when or how to fix things when they break (and believe me they will break and generally all at once); how to apply to rent a place; buying a car; opening new bank accounts and so much more!! Somehow in the adulting world, everything feels like a mission: it takes forever, requires so many documents and you're generally interacting with not the friendliest bunch of people, completely at their mercy. There will always be a frustrating issue with getting at least one of those documents which will have you pulling at your hair. And you have to do on your own. You can ask for help and you should ask for help! Lots of it! But you realise that this is your life and it's in your hands. That's quite a heavy burden to carry, especially when you're 1.58m tall.
Whenever I complain to my mom about these dilemmas and ask her how we are supposed to cope with all of it, her answer is often: "my doll, you just do." And I can attest to these wise words. We all at some point get thrown in the deep end and it's swim or die. More often than not, we swim. And why? Because we just do. Somehow, we cope. We are much stronger than we give ourselves credit for. We can handle so much more than we can image. I have had a mere four months of being an adult so no I don't have a lot of wisdom, but what I do have are these encouraging words: you will cope. You will cope with all of it. And why? My doll, you just will!